No, not your children, your husbands! Here is an e-mail from my step-mother and it’s a hoot! I’m sure that some of my readers will have either experienced this embarrassing behavior in a loved one or may have done these things themselves and yes, I’m thinking of you, Stew!
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here’s a letter sent to her by the store manager:
“Dear Mrs. Fenton:
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3′ in house wares… and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him he begins to cry and asks, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ” Mission Impossible” theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
13. Dec 1 8: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”
And last, but not least…
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here.”
The listing for this e-mail/letter (which is a farce, of course) is on Snopes.com and has the addition of the line: “Three of our sales clerks are currently attending counseling due to the trouble your husband has caused!”
There is another joke list similar to this one which gives the top ten (or 15?) things to do when you’re in a crowded elevator. I just thought I would share this…hope you got a chuckle!
I’m still not sure how they thought my name was “Fenton”…
Yes, you would think they could remember Stew Magoo!
You’ve done some of those things, haven’t you, Stew? I bet you have!!
The condom trick is my “go to” revenge tactic when I encounter a certain type of person while shopping. Male or female, it’s a hoot at the checkout counter, and if they miss it there, I bet it gets even better at home.
Now why am I not surprised, Dave? You are a sneaky son-of-a-gun, aren’t you?! My brother was notorious for the pranks and being able to keep a straight face so he wouldn’t get in trouble.
Hey, I think he goes to my Wal Mart. I heard him standing in the checkout line one day. In a very demonic voice he said, “We must find a more suitable host body.”
S’gotta be him! Great post!
Oh, he’s an “evil” little guy and he’s everywhere! I think I was on an elevator with him once when he was telling the voices in his head to be quiet!