Whenever my friend Mark (from Constitutional Public Radio and The Radio Patriots) gets worked up over something, especially the stupidity we see all around us these days, I tell him to breathe in and breathe out so he can calm down. You see, I know how easy it is to get worked up over the idiotic things that are being said and done in our nation’s capital or in the world at large. But sometimes you have to let it go because there are just some things you have no control over. This is one of the hardest lessons I have learned. I still get worked up and ticked off over things that I have absolutely no control over, but I try very hard to let it go when I realize that’s what I’m doing. I recently read this quote and it perfectly covers the topic, so I’d like to share it with you. Keep it in mind the next time you find yourself getting all worked up over something or someone you have no control over.
“Can you even begin to think of the time, energy and emotions you’ve wasted on the uncontrollable things in your life? I’ve certainly done my share of wishing, fretting, complaining and trying to manipulate uncontrollable things and people. When I do that, I use up immense quantities of emotional energy for nothing when it could have been expended in a productive way…
Remember this: When the uncontrollable things or people in our lives are making us miserable, it is because we allow them to do that to us. They can’t keep us on that roller coaster if we decide to get off. How do you get off? By choice, by a decision of your will, by much prayer and by the power of God’s Spirit within you. It takes determination on your part, but if you don’t let God supply the power, you’re not likely to be able to do it.”
Mary Whelchel
How to Thrive from 9 to 5
So, next time you get all worked up and stressed out over uncontrollable events, “Let go, let God.” Or, in the short term, breathe in…breathe out…
Mary sounds as smart as a cookie. Now that sounds pretty inane, but it was the best I could think up of.
I did let go, Anna, and tried to restrict the Path of the Fury but even then, you’ll get people who try to press you for their own entertainment reasons.
Like here for example. link
My second response got so long and involved, I decided to just make it a post.
Link
I basically wrote about the Palestinian use of rage and how liberal Hollywood, as exemplfied by Lucas Arts, sees such emotions.
I don’t know, Ymarsakar. I think part of it was my mom’s death. It really hit me how fragile and short life can be and that to spend it angry is really cheating yourself. That’s not to say I don’t understand it, I certainly do, but I’m learning to let it go.
There are things we can change and I will fight there, but I will not waste my breath and energy trying to change someone’s opinion when they really don’t want to hear it. I think to a certain extent we all tune out what we don’t want to hear, truth or not.
I know what you mean about people who push. My husband will do that just to get people to look at something from another perspective. He’ll do it even if he agrees with them. It’s not for entertainment per se, it’s more to show that there are multiple sides to every issue. I think he does it to keep himself from becoming narrow minded. By pushing someone else to see another side it will often show you something as well.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a devil’s advocate position, to see things from a new view. I myself do it on occassion. At Bookworm’s Room for example.
I agree mostly with what you said in the first two paragraphs. My first post, though, simply was refering to how I tried to get some help to the blog author, but she didn’t want it because she didn’t believe in violence. That’s unfortunate, but I knew right away it was inevitable. However, the problem occured when other people started trying to provoke fights. Even if you let go of the situation, people who are miserable and unstable in life, will try to ruin your day just because. Just because they can’t find anything better to do for themselves, that is.
So in real life, you can and should control your own actions, but it won’t affect how other people treat you. If people feel enough bitterness and prejudice, they will go out of their way to ruin your day. Sort of like Rosie O’Donnel.
My belief is that you must be prepared for this. You cannot be caught by surprise, because that is a greater psychological shock. You got to go with the blows.
I cannot afford to tune out what goes on in other people’s heads. Doing so usually puts me in a situation where the dagger is at my back and I can’t dodge it. My ability to empathize with people and their perspectives, is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it allows me to avoid pitfalls and miscommunications, a curse because if they are actively hostile, then it disrupts my emotions with a double feedback loop. Not only am I dealing with my own emotions, I am dealing with their emotions as they see it from their view. Double vision.
The ability to kill compassion, is thus a useful tool for me, because otherwise I cannot remain objective. There were many events that taught me that killing compassion was the only way to continue on in life without being in constant pain. A very effective Pavlovian training system.
You know and have seen people who care too much .And even if you have not, I have. There are people who so abhor violence and the removal of life, that they would shirk their duty to protect their family. Mormans for example, in an incident out in the Wild West. Or even the Amish. I can understand their views and I would probably like them as individuals, but the respect quotient is very low. I like them because they give people the freedom to choose. But it is hard to respect someone’s values when you know they have chosen it freely, and yet these values to you are so flawed.
It is part of the decision that all folks who believe in liberty and humanity, must make, Anna. Eventually a person has to decide just what they are willing to approve of, in order to accomplish their goals of human dignity and rights. How many people are they willing to kill for such a goal and in what manner, and whether or not they are willing to die for their cause.
A person who believes in life and liberty, but is unable to kill their compassion, will become a fake liberal. They will simply go inside of themselves, and have little effect on the rest of the world, simply because they cannot usher the will to ensure the success of their purpoted goals.
Compassion, as I see it, is directly related to how you see yourself. If you care for a person, than you are basically thinking about how you would feel and see things if you were in their shoes. You feel for others who are in unfortunate circumstances, because you understand how you yourself would feel. Therefore to care for others, one must have a bit of selfishness, and the ability and decision to recognize that other people are like you. People who feel too much compassion, weaken themselves, because eventually it becomes about them, and not the women of Afghanistan for example. It becomes about how they feel, and not how they can help others rise up. A person cannot feel compassion for those they see as inferior or superior to themselves. Because they don’t ever visualize themselves in such an inferior or superior position. Thus, it dehumanizes the subject. The only human you really know down to the soul, is yourself. So if you see other people as being unlike you in the basic premises, well, that will cloud your judgement.
There are other people like John Kerry who are narcissists. They don’t see themselves as ever being inferior to others, because they don’t recognize other human beings as being like themselves. Therefore they cannot feel compassion or empathy. If you extend this to the extreme logical end, what you end up with is a socio-path. A person who has no conscience, because he sees all others as inanimate objects. He lacks even the guilt people would feel over needlessly killing spiders.
Too little compassion brings you to narcissists and power hungry politicians. Too much compassion brings you folks called fake liberals and those who end up causing more damage through restricting the necessary tools at their disposal.
Harmony and balance is very important, and not just because the physics dictate that it be so. To me, a good person is someone who cares for what he is willing to work to forward, and hates that which he sees as an injustice. A good person treats others as human beings, instead of as tools. A good person knows when he has to kill or to heal, to prevent imbalance in the world.
What you have stated is true, Ymarsakar. There is a difference with those who are truly compassionate, though. They don’t think of themselves at all, not even subconciously. It is a “what will you have me do” mentality. They do not project their own feelings, they simply ask what the other person would like them to do and to help them to the best of their ability. Example, the most wonderful thing anyone said to me after my mom died was, “Is there anything I can do for you?” It was not platitudes or “I can relate” stories or “it’ll get easier.” Just “Is there anything you need? Is there anything I can do to help you?” Their care and compassion come from an inner strength and they will do what is necessary. I suppose I am referring to those in the middle:
“Too little compassion brings you to narcissists and power hungry politicians. Too much compassion brings you folks called fake liberals and those who end up causing more damage through restricting the necessary tools at their disposal.”
Anyway, I don’t know about the past incident you refer to with the Mormons, but be assured that today, they do fight for this country and they do lay down their lives when necessary. (I was raised in the Mormon church, though I am no longer a member for theological reasons.) Yes, there have been those church leaders who have been against a draft and there have been those who oppose violence on all levels, but it is not a Mormon manifesto. There are, according to Stars & Stripes 14,000 Mormons in the military. Now, Amish and Jehovah’s Witness are opposed to all forms of violence.
Anyway, I agree that compassion can blind you if you are not careful, but I would like to think that I am among those who will help in whatever way I am able, but do not doubt that I will defend family and home in all ways!
Sorry, this is probably piecemeal, but I am supposed to be working and keep going back and forth from here to there!
I do believe you are the real deal, Anna.
Why thank you, Ymarsakar!
You are welcome. By the by, I had no trouble following your thoughts in your other comment. When you write in such complete and clear sentences, Anna, I have little chance to be lost.
Thank you again, I wasn’t feeling very clear-headed when I was writing it, so I’m very pleased it came out clearly!